If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
