she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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