just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
