omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
