If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
