There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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