Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You may now shotgun with the bride
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
