Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just invented taco cereal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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