after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
