I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i love accidental penises.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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