Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
