big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
