Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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