Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
