jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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