@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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