These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i believe in u and ur pee
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
