so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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