if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
