y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
