White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
