i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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