Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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