swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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