Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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