i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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