dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
