Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
