yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
