Tell her she can't have a vagina
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
