no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
