I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
