Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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