We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
