Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
