he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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