Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
