he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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