I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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