i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
