just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
