He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
