I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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