Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
