I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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