the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
