And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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