So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm too high and old for this...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
