guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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