Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
